They’re so hard to break and so easy to hold on to.
Perhaps it’s because there’s a payoff of some kind from indulging in them.
For example – I am a notorious procrastinator. And I DO MEAN NOTORIOUS. What’s the purpose of doing it though? I do it because “getting to it later” means don’t have to do it right now. And right now I can do something else (or nothing at all.) Of course it doesn’t help that I am constantly tired and depressed, which means no motivation to do anything much.
Of course, my bad habits have taken years to develop. You can’t break any habit overnight, but there are some things I NEED to snap out of. University is something I want to take very, very seriously. But have I been practicing/making notes/reviewing material? No. It is true that this is partially due to Mom’s recent injury and my inability to cope with depressed feelings, but I enjoy sitting back and doing as little as possible – it means that I don’t do anything, which is what I’d rather do. (Did I mention I feel tired much of the time?)
Once I see an ocean of issues and problems, I won’t even bother to start swimming. I just lay on the shore until the tide comes in and sweeps me away. I can’t seem to be able to appreciate the fact that taking things in tiny pieces is the best strategy. Several tiny pieces instead of one large chunk. (My psychologist has been drilling this into my head for the past few months and it seems to be getting nowhere – until now.)
Thank you for reading, as always.
One Response to “Bad Habits”
I can definitely relate to everything you’ve said. Depression is a hard thing to snap the hell out of. Worst of all you get those days where you do wake up to reality and maybe it will last a couple days, hell maybe even a few weeks, and then something dropkicks your ass back into the hole. It’s a beast to deal with and anyone who says it’s easy or that you can “just stop” needs to be slapped.
Procrastination and depression are a horrible mix. Been battling them for years now and I’ve dug myself a pretty big grave because of it. Here’s to us both getting out alive!